When a relationship first begins you are each giving 100% of your energy to the other person. 100% of your energy surges with those first kisses, 100% of energy surges when you hear their voice on the answering machine, the butterflies start flying in your stomach as they are on their way to see you!
If you were able to look at the situation clearly (i.e., without emotion) you would be able to see that nobody can maintain that kind of energy flow forever.
It is an exercise to help you regain your personal power and shows you how to make yourself feel better regardless of what is happening in your relationship.
Grab a piece of paper or open up a word document and write down an answer to the following questions.
1. Do I put the responsibility of my happiness or unhappiness in my partners hands?
2. When something goes wrong in my life or I am unhappy, do I go out of my way to blame the person I am with and somehow make it their fault?
3. Why have I given this person so much control over my happiness?
4. Do I see our relationship as two emotionally healthy people deciding to share our lives together or do I see this person as part of my own identity?
5. Do I try to make this person do anything they don’t want to do?
6. Do they try to make me do anything I don’t want to do?
7. Why do we do that?
8. Didn’t I have a life before they were in it?
9. Have I stopped doing anything I used to enjoy doing since I have been with this person?
10. Why have I allowed myself to do that?
11. Isn’t it possible that this person really does love me – but just doesn’t have the time or ability to see to 100% of all my needs all the time?
12. Do I really think it should be their responsibility to think about me and only me all of the time?
13. If I do…why do I think that?
14. Didn’t I come down to this planet to create the best life for my “self” that I can create?
15. Didn’t they come down to do the same?
16. Where did we get the idea that it is either of our responsibilities to make the other person happy?
17. Is it even possible to make someone else happy if deep down they are not?
18. Is there anything I can do to make myself feel better regardless of what they do or do not do?
19. If this person was not in my life right now, would I be doing anything different to make myself happy (other than dating other people of coarse)?
20. What about this relationship is keeping me from doing that now?
As long as you don’t lose yourself along the way or forget who is really responsible for your happiness you can be together for many happy years to come.